How to be a (CAIR) Muslim

How to be a (CAIR) Muslim

(The Council on American-Islamic Relations)

There are some Muslims who do interpret Islam differently from how we see the Wahabbi-funded lobbyist group, CAIR, and so many like-minded others practicing their faith. So, please don’t draw too much from this. Everything we know about being a Muslim, we learned from watching the Council on American-Islamic Relations and then looking into Islam to find out what compels the group to act as it does.


So, You Want to Be a Muslim

So, want to be a Muslim.

Perhaps you are experiencing a craving related to self-actualization, such as the desire to belong to something larger than yourself. Being a Muslim, after all, gives you an instant sense of community (and instant status as a victim), even if it is with a petulant group that contributes little more to the world than temper tantrums and sporadic terrorism.

Perhaps you’ve been raised without a religion, suddenly realized that there is a God, and happen to know Muslims who seem satisfied and happy with their faith (as if that is what determines religious truth). We’re willing to bet, however, that you’re getting fed a version of Islam that is quite a bit rosier than reality. In fact, the Muslims that you know may not understand the dark corners of their own religion and the life of its prophet as well as they think.

Or maybe you just want to be different. After all, with the many incidents of Islamic terror around the globe these days, becoming a Muslim is fast surpassing tattoos and nose rings as the most effective way of shocking friends and family. So is that it? You just want to stand out in the crowd… make people feel a little uncertain around you… make them think that there is something mysterious about you?

Terms and Conditions

Well, the first thing you should know about being a Muslim is that it is a permanent choice. Unlike every other religion in the world, only Islam proscribes the death penalty for anyone foolish enough to leave the Religion of Peace. Tony Soprano’s famous statement, “Once you enter this family, there’s no gettin’ out,” sounds like a euphemism compared to Muhammad’s blunt command: “If anyone leaves his religion, then kill him.”

If you realize your error after the fact, then there is the option of keeping your personal beliefs to yourself, as millions of apostates in the Islamic world have learned to do. But, losing the freedom to speak truthfully about your convictions will be a sacrifice that may become more meaningful to you as you mature.

Also, be forewarned that accepting Islam means learning to think differently about your non-Muslim friends and family – and not in a good way. More on this later.

Accept Muhammad

What does being a Muslim mean? As you probably know, it starts with a profession of faith in one God, and that Muhammad, the self-proclaimed prophet of the 7th century, is “His messenger.”

So what do you have to swallow in order to believe that Muhammad was a prophet?

Start with the rather curious interest that Allah had in Muhammad’s quest for sex and power. In fact, whenever Muhammad had a hedonistic or violent craving, Allah was right there to satisfy it with a divine revelation generously in step with the desires of his “prophet.” (As one of his wives wryly put it, right after God “told” Muhammad to take another object of lust as his wife, “Truly Allah seems to be very quick in fulfilling your prayers.”)

Muhammad’s sex life was a matter of great concern for the God of Islam, who ordered Muhammad to marry eleven women in the span of about a dozen years, including a 9-year-old girl and his own daughter-in-law. In addition to this, he was explicitly told to have unmitigated sex with his many slaves. In fact, the commands that concern the prophet’s personal sex life are preserved for eternity in the holy Qur’an, where they exist to be memorized by countless generations.

So busy was God with Muhammad’s sexual desires, that he didn’t have time to say things in the Qur’an like, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” or “Don’t take fellow human beings as slaves,” or (our personal favorite) “Stop using children for sex!”

As for power, well, let’s just say that whenever Muhammad wanted to steal and kill, God was always prepared to whisper in his ear and tell him to get on with it. The prophet of Islam even had his critics murdered just for mocking him. He ordered the murder of captives in barbaric fashion, including a man who was tortured to death in order to give up hidden treasure. And, not least of all, he left a legacy of prolific violence that even consumed his own family.

Virtually all of the Jews and other tribes living peacefully in Arabia had been conquered by Muhammad at the time of his death, and he had begun to launch the great Jihad against Christians by then as well. His companions and successors continued a relentless campaign that reached from Spain in the West, to the lands of Hindus and Buddhists in the East – all within a matter of decades.

So, if you think that a man who killed other men and had their wives raped and their children enslaved is your type of prophet, then you’ll find it pretty easy to slide into the next phase of being a Muslim… dichotomizing the world into two distinct categories, with the greatest rank and privilege applying to one, while the other exists merely to fuel the fires of Hell.

Phase Two: Moral Superiority and Personal Arrogance

The dirty little secret of Islam is that it has its own method of determining right and wrong. There is no larger context of morality. Everything on earth is judged only by how it happens to affect Muslims, who are the favored race (according to the Qur’an) and the people of the light – while all others live in ignorant darkness.

For Westerners, raised to believe that discrimination and personal prejudice are wrong, the Islamic practice of blatantly elevating one’s own identity group above all others will be a transition. You will find yourself developing a strong sense of personal arrogance, gradually realizing that you are better than the wicked people around you – who are in their state of lowness by virtue of having rejected Muhammad and the truth of Islam.

As this moral superiority blossoms, it will become much easier for you to accept the system of discrimination against others that is so deeply rooted in Islamic law. Muhammad taught that other faiths are meant to exist in a state of humiliating subjugation to Islam, even to the extent of paying taxes to Muslims (the jizya) until they can no longer afford their faith and eventually must convert to the Religion of Peace. If they refuse to pay, then kill them.

Because Muslims are better than the people around them, Muslims deserve to be treated better. Muslims should have rights that others don’t. They can share their faith, and build residences and houses of worship as they please. Non-Muslims, however, are second-class citizens under Sharia law.

Phase Three: Indifference to Islamic Terror

Personal arrogance, when it happens, will mean a deep peevishness for the concerns of Muslims, combined with stunning disregard for people outside your faith – particularly for the problems they suffer at the hands of other Muslims.

You and your new Muslim friends will decry any slight or indignity that can be blamed in any way on a non-Muslim or non-Muslim government, no matter how trivial. In the meantime, you will become desensitized to the horror that Islamic terror metes out on others across the globe each day. Eventually, you will move beyond mere hypocrisy and double-standards, into the realm of actually justifying the violence, as your heart grows colder toward those who don’t share your religion.

Hey, there’s nothing stopping those victims from accepting Muhammad and putting an end to their suffering, is there? If they want to be treated like humans – like Muslims – then they can always submit to Islam. And then, even if they die, it will only be for a greater life in the hereafter, a paradise full of sex and wine.

How long will it take for you to change from naively thinking that the purpose of all religion is to make the world a better place into realizing that the point of Islam is nothing more than Islam? When will you begin to understand that the lives of unbelievers rank well below any Muslim concern, regardless of how minor? When will you become a CAIR Muslim?

Just give it time. It’ll happen. It always does.

That’s Islam… (CAIR-style, baby)!

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